“Come now, let’s settle this,” says the Lord “Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them as white as snow. Though they are red like crimson, I will make them as white as wool. Isaiah 1:18

For as long as I can remember, I have always been a  writer, even though I am lazy about the discipline of writing most of the time, as much as I try to get away from it, I find myself right back in writing mode again. I am the person who has often felt misunderstood and ostracized for most of my life, so writing has always been a very therapeutic safe haven for me. All of this is necessary information for my topic today because the first time I read this portion of scripture, when I got saved for real (lol), God used it as a tool to break up the fallow ground of my heart. From a child, it was instilled in me that you can ABSOLUTELY NEVER question or be angry with God. You can have a problem with whomever you choose to but God better not ever be one of them. I got the distinct impression that this was a dangerous predicament to be in. So I learned how to mask my pain, hurt, and confusion behind humor or dysfunctional behavior (depending on what kind of day I was having), so when I really let God into my heart and dominate my life, after He stripped me of all the drugs, alcohol, and raggedy men...there was nothing left but me, Him, and alllllllll of my issues. And because He is the God who sees...I had to admit to Him that some of my issues were with Him. I just did not understand why some of the things that happened in my life...happened. As I looked over the files of my life, I realized I had a whole mountain of questions buried in the bottom of my heart that I was always afraid to ask and because I was afraid to ask...they turned into resentments that were eventually wrote off as "what's the use because no one cared anyway", which ultimately fueled my growing passion to medicate my emotions with any mood or mind altering chemical. But after reading this portion of scripture, after He knew He had gotten my attention, God spoke to me and basically allowed me the opportunity to be liberated and free from everything that was oppressing me. He allowed me to vent, to ask Him the questions I was always afraid to ask, partly because I was afraid of what He would do to me and the other side of it was I was afraid to know the answer. But whatever the case God knew that these issues were cancerous to my spiritual growth and well being. So I ask. I asked Him questions like, "Why have I never known a father? No one to pour into my life to love or protect me?" And He answered me saying, "I was your momma's Baby Daddy! I am a Father to the fatherless" (Psalms 68:5). I asked Him, "Well why did my mother not love me enough to raise me and sacrifice for me and treasure me as her child?" And He answered me saying, "Even if your mother has forsaken you, I have never forgotten you. I have NEVER forgotten you. You are always on my mind. I have NEVER left your side" (Isaiah 49:15). And then I said, "It is hard for me to feel the love of a God whom I've never seen, when I cant even feel the love of the people I see everyday. Sometimes it feels as if the people who were closest to me used me like the commode they took a dump on every day. I wasted my life away. I've done wicked and degradable things to my self and other people. Why do You love me so much?" And He answered me by saying, "I am the only God that even though it didn't feel good to you, I've got the power to make it work out all for your good. I knew what I was getting when I called your name and you cannot out sin my love for you! Nothing in all of creation will ever be able to distinguish the eternal love I have for you!" (Romans 8:28-31). I also asked, "Well then why did I have to suffer for such a long time with addiction? Why seventeen years? Why not seventeen days or seventeen months? I was in it so long till I was convinced that I was not worth the air You let me breathe. I almost died, hemorrhaging over 5000 cc of blood as a direct result of my stupid decisions". And His reply was, "You was trippin. I wasn't. Because I already knew your day of deliverance. I knew the day that I was going to deliver you and then I did just that...delivered you. So that not only you would know but everybody connected to you would know that I am the Lord...Your God. You were my modern day Lazarus! I had to allow your situation become stinky and dead for my glory!" I wasn't familiar with Jeremiah 1:5, "I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born, I set you apart and appointed you as a prophet to the nations". At the time I didn't know that before my momma met my daddy, God already knew who I was, what I would do, and what I would become and that He had predetermine to deliver me, love me anyway, and set me a part for His glory and purpose. So in this regard, its not wrong to question God...it was necessary! God allowed me to empty and vent a lot of the garbage that has contaminated the windows of my soul and to be quite honest, He didn't even take away or change a lot of the situations He's brought me through, but what He did do, is change me in the midst of the situation and I have to admit that I felt a lot better because I was able to get some things off my chest and entrust the most fragile parts of my life to the One who holds all power. I've never had a problem believing in God. I've always known that God is real. I've always had a God consciousness deep in my heart and not just because I was raised in a Christian home. My problem was believing that He loved me or wanted to be bothered with me. So I needed God to expose Himself to me through the prophet Isaiah by saying to me, "Come on! Right now! And let us together hash these things out that are toxic to your soul! That is hindering your walk with me and our relationship together! It takes two people to actively participate in order to have a healthy and effective relationship together and if you are going to grow and develop into the person I've created you to be...we're gonna have to deal with you and these issues. It may get a little messy...but do not fear because I got you! I can't fail you!" And I have noticed that this particular scripture is a continual part of the process in my relationship with God because I am forever dealing with some type of issue! As soon as I conquer one issue...here comes another one and sometimes they bring company! In the first chapter of Isaiah, God is dealing with Israel...His people. A people He has raised to know Him, love Him, and serve Him. A people He has cherished, protected, and provided for but who still refuse to deal with their sin nature and their rebellion against God. They are getting into trouble with God for not dealing with their issues. They are deliberately choosing evade and mask the seriousness of their present condition with tradition and religious acts and God, who is rich in mercy, refuses to allow it to continually go unnoticed. He is saying, "How long are you gonna keep playing this game with Me? How long can you continue to keep functioning at a level that is beneath your call, trying to look the part of holiness...you come to church...you bring your gifts and sacrificial offerings to the alter...BUT your heart is far from Me. How long can you keep on pretending??? Come on! Tell Me! Let's argue this thang out! Though your sins are as red as scarlet...I can make them as white as snow! But in order for Me to accomplish this with you...you gotta keep it real with Me. Bring me your issues...turn from sin and rebellion so that I may squeeze My glory out of your life" and I don't know about anyone else, but Isaiah 1 is a constant reminder to me of how I must remain naked before God. It is a constant reminder of the reality of a real real relationship with Him and His undying compassion on the human condition and His eternal love for His people and I am convinced that if we, as His children, would learn from Israel's past mistakes and our present ones...there is no way that we could leave this life NOT being all that God has created us to be.